I’m sorry I’m such bad company. I don’t always know what to say. Guess I’m just an awkward person in general. I know you would rather much prefer the company of my sister instead at some times.

I am well aware that I am a horrible story teller. I stutter too much and there’s entirely too many “uhms” in my speech. I can’t help it. I don’t know where I picked up the habit from but it’s obviously not going away anytime soon. My stories lack the power to attract listeners; I don’t always get the chance to tell stories so I guess I’m rusty in that department.

I’m sorry that all I can do is just sit there quietly with you while you stare off into space. Guess I’m more like my father than I thought. I can sit there quietly with you the whole day and I won’t complain; neither will I make an attempt to talk. I can be that type of person who gives you the silence that you need, even when you want some noise.

I’m sorry I’m such bad company. All I can do is sit there with you, quietly. I don’t talk much because I don’t know what to say or when to say them.

I’m sorry I’m such a boring person.

I’m sorry.

Only One

EDIT:

wanna include on more song because..well..Meryl Streep hahaha

haven't done a song rec in a while haha

1. Only One - Tiffany (Girls' Generation)

2. Go! - Theodore Shapiro

3. Stay With Me - Meryl Streep

4. Miranda & Andrea - Theodore Shapiro

***

i have nothing but the best of wishes for you as you embark on this journey of the heart, mind and soul.

muah

hehheheeheheheheheheheeeeeee

and something to ponder upon, shall we my dear? XD

hmm? hahahhaa here's another muah for you

have a nice day! that's all.

p/s: all media belong to their rightful owners. i do not own them

Human

One of my mom’s students asked me the other day

“So how’s working?”

And I only managed to sign and roll my eyes before he said

“it’s time for you to change jobs”

And that got me thinking. Do I like my job? No, I actually do not like my job. I like my colleagues, but not my job. Come to think of it, I think I made it very clear, even to my colleagues, that I don’t like this job. I just like them a lot and I don’t have the heart to leave them.  Which does make things suck, seeing how it would make things difficult when/if I want to leave.

What do I think of my job?

It pays the bills. It feeds me. It’s not the most well-paid job out there; I’m barely saving money from my first year of work as it is. Even with the pending increment that I’m hoping I will get, how much of a difference can that make? Even if I get a 10% increase it’s still not a lot. But at the rate that we’re going now, I’ll take that 10% any day. We’re having a little time management thing going on at the moment because our boss thinks we’re not efficient enough. So a few expenses has been cut, including our supposed company recreational outing. Our boss wants to take us hiking because it’s free instead of playing paintball. Might as well bring us to Astaka and let us lose there for a couple of hours. Hiking. To save money. Groundbreaking.

So do I like my job?

I have a meager pay and a manager who everybody loathes with a tonne of things to do. Not exactly dream job description but I do understand that there’s no such thing as an ideal working environment. I don’t particularly enjoy it, nor do I particularly hate it. I just don’t like it.

Then why don’t I quit?

Because I am a complete lazy bum who is entirely too comfortable with the current job. Yes, it’s stressful but I have my seniors to turn to for back-up in case my manager is completely useless (which happens more often than not..). We go out for good food and laughs occasionally and I really appreciate that. I really do. It helps de-stress and I get to meet up with a good friend who quit a while back. That’s pretty nice.

***

On a completely separate note…

I’m going to Christina Perri’s Head or Heart tour next month! Ok, it was totally unplanned. I heard it over the radio a few weeks back and was contemplating on going since I do like her music (at least, the songs I’ve heard so far..which is like…3? Oh shit..)

My sister actually asked me about it and I think I told her something like I don’t feel like going (because..well..reasons unknown). In my defense I really didn’t feel like going at that time. And yesterday..well..I’ll let the screen caps below explain:

It’s like..the moment the conversation started I was like

I think I know where this is going XD

And true enough haha! 

But I don’t mind. Now I’m kinda looking forward to going actually. And the tickets were way cheaper than Taylor’s The Red Tour. I was so broke after buying them. Compared to that, this time is so much cheaper. Like seriously…this is like..not even half of Taylor’s tickets, which makes it really affordable in my books.

So yea..

I hope I don’t cry if/when she sings A Thousand Years. That song is so…well..it hits a lot of feels XD not to mention it reminds me of somebody.

Mental Health

I took a some sort of a mental health test online a few weeks back when i was having a little episode in the office regarding a certain client and while i have forgotten which site did i take it at, i did remember to copy the results: 

Symptoms Detected

You show symptoms of several mental health disorders. While they have not reached the level of full diagnosis, seeking the advice of a therapist is recommended, as the symptoms may become overwhelming, more frequent, and more serious.

Manic Episodes

You appear to have showed some signs of experiencing a manic episode. People who experience manic episodes have times when they feel extreme emotional "highs" accompanied by a variety of other symptoms, such as racing thoughts, extreme talkativeness, and reduced need for sleep, among others. According to the DSM-IV, a manic episode consists of the following: A discrete period of time when there is an extremely elevated or expansive mood, or high levels of irritability. As well as three or more of the following symptoms: Exaggerated sense of self-esteem or grandiosity. Greatly reduced need for sleep. Excessive talkativeness and feeling of internal pressure to keep talking. Thoughts race quickly and change rapidly from topic to topic. More easily distracted than usual. Increase in goal-setting activity or in unproductive physical activity, such as fidgeting, pacing, or finger-tapping. Risky, impulsive, and unconsidered behavior, with the potential for serious and long-term consequences (e.g. reckless spending, sex with strangers, foolish business decisions). The symptoms must be severe enough to disrupt functioning in important life areas, such as the ability to function at work, to have healthy relationships, and to take care of oneself. If hospitalization is required, this criterion is considered to have been met. If you feel that your symptoms are a problem for you, speaking with a professional therapist or psychiatrist, or a medical professional is your first step towards obtaining help. The most effective treatment for Bipolar Disorder appears to be pharmaceutical drugs, in particular lithium, anticonvulsant mood stabilizers, and atypical antipsychotic drugs. Cognitive Therapy might also be useful for Bipolar patients, mostly to assist in understanding the illness, dealing with its consequences, preventing relapse (monitoring symptoms and adjusting medications before a full-blown relapse occurs), and ensuring adherence to the drug regime.

Specific Phobia

You show some signs of suffering from a Specific Phobia, but not enough for a definitive diagnosis. People with a Specific Phobia have a strong, unreasonable fear of a particular object or situation. The DSM-IV describes the signs and symptoms of Specific Phobia as follows: Excessive fear of an object of situation that is cued either by the presence or anticipation of being exposed to that stimulus. Exposure of the object or situation almost always provokes a strong and immediate anxious response, or results in panic attacks related to the phobia. The fear is recognized by the individual as being unreasonable and out of proportion. Contact with the object or situation is avoided if at all possible, or endured only with great anxiety and/or distress. The issues surrounding the phobia, such as distress, panic attacks, and avoidance of the phobia interfere with the individual's life. The symptoms of Specific Phobia cannot be better explained by another disorder, such as Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. This type of phobia can often be easily treated with Cognitive or Behavioral Therapy techniques. Exposure Therapy, for example, slowly builds up from mildly frightening situations to more frightening ones in order to reduce the phobic reaction. Flooding, which entails placing the individual into the situation they find frightening and then teaching them how to relax in that scenario, can also help. Drug therapies might also be used.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

You show some of the signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but do not fulfill all the diagnostic criteria. This disorder, which can occur after a traumatic experience, involves intense feelings of anxiety and even flashbacks of the experience. The DSM-IV describes the following signs and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: The person witnessed, experienced, or was otherwise confronted with a traumatic event or series of events that involved threat of death or injury to him or herself or others. The person's response to this event involved intense fear, feelings of helplessness, or horror. The person repeatedly re-experiences the event in at least one of the following forms: Repetitive, intrusive recollections of the event, including images, thoughts or perceptions (visions, hearing or smelling the same smell or sounds that occurred that day, etc.). Recurrent dreams or nightmares about the event in question. Feeling as if he or she is reliving the traumatic experience (i.e., experiencing flashbacks, hallucinations or other vivid sense of experiencing the event again). The person experiences extreme psychological distress upon being reminded of or thinking about the traumatic experience. The person has an actual physical reaction upon being reminded of or thinking about the traumatic experience. The individual avoids experiencing stimuli associated with the traumatic event or shows signs of general numbing of feelings and interest in everyday life, in the form of three or more of the following: Avoiding thinking about or discussing the traumatic event. Avoiding the place, people, or activities that are associated with the traumatic event. Blocking out (experiencing amnesia about) important memories associated with the precipitating event. Diminished interest in or participation in formerly enjoyed activities. Feelings of emotional detachment or estrangement from others. Dampening of emotions -- feeling that emotions have a restricted range, i.e. unable to feel love towards others. Expectations about future are foreshortened; that is, the person believes that his or her life will be cut short, or that he or she will never reach normal milestones, such as marriage, birth of children, career, etc. The person experiences frequent and persistent symptoms of increased physiological arousal (his or her body appears ready to react rapidly in case of another stressful event), in the form of two or more of the following: The person has difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. He or she appears irritable or has emotional or angry outbursts. He or she experiences difficulty concentrating. His or her senses are hypervigilant and she or he appears to be constantly on the lookout for threats. He or she startles easily. The symptoms related to this experience went on for more than one month and caused distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. You've experienced a traumatic event in your life, and are obviously suffering. A mental health professional can help guide you in the healing process and can help you learn to live with the memories of this difficult experience. The treatments for PTSD include Exposure Therapy, which slowly builds up from mildly frightening situations to more frightening ones, as well as relaxation techniques for handling anxiety and group therapy, among others.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Your answers indicate that you show some of the signs of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but not enough of them to meet all the criteria. People suffering with this disorder are on edge most of the time, with no obvious precipitating event. This is a very common disorder and there are many effective treatments available. The DSM-IV states that the following signs and symptoms must be apparent for a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder to be made: The individual must experience excessive anxiety and worry more days than not for a minimum of six months. The concern must be about a number of different events or areas of life, not focused on one or two specific issues. The person must have a difficult time controlling his or her worry. The anxiety and worry must be associated with at least three of the following physical or emotional symptoms: Feelings of restlessness, edginess, or unease. Feeling easily fatigued. Difficulty maintaining concentration or a feeling of his or her mind going blank. Irritability. Tense muscles. Sleep disturbance in the form of insomnia or difficulty staying asleep, or feeling unsatisfied with his or her sleep. The anxiety and worry must not occur solely as a result of another disorder, such as Social Phobia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anorexia or Bulimia, Post-Traumatic Disorder, Panic Disorder, Somatization Disorder, or Hypochondriasis. The anxiety, worry and accompanying physical and emotional symptoms must cause the person distress or lead to impairment of his or her functioning at work, in his or her personal life, or in other life areas. The anxiety is not due to a physical condition or drug use (illegal or medical), and does not occur only during a mood disorder such as Depression, in the course of a Psychotic Disorder, or due to a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (such as Autism). Treatments for Generalized Anxiety Disorder include anti-anxiety medications, relaxation therapy, and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

Agoraphobia without Panic Disorder

From your responses, it seems that you show some of the signs of Agoraphobia without Panic Disorder. Agoraphobics who are not also suffering from Panic Disorder have a great deal of fear about being in situations where escape would be difficult or embarrassing, but do not have enough symptoms of panic attacks to quality for a Panic Disorder diagnoses. The DSM-IV criteria for Agoraphobia without Panic Disorder are as follows: Worry and anxiety about being in places or situations where escape in the event of an unexpected or situationally predisposed panic attack would be difficult, or where help might not be available should an attack occur. Fear-inducing situations include leaving the house or other secure area alone, being in a crowded place, waiting in line, being on a bridge, or being in a car, train or airplane. The person avoids these situations, requires the company of others in order to take part in them, or endures them with a great deal of anxiety or even panic attacks. The criteria have never been met for Panic Disorder. The symptoms are not due to another disorder, such as Social Phobia (e.g. if they occurred mostly in social situations), Specific Phobia (e.g., if they had only one type of situation or object that caused them to experience attacks), Obsessive-compulsive Disorder, or Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (in response to things that remind them of the difficult scenario). The problems are not a direct result of the use of a substance, whether medical or illegal. If a medical condition is present, the worry and anxiety is very clearly above and beyond what is merited by the medical condition. Agoraphobics often find their lives highly limited by their condition. It can be difficult for them even to leave the house. In order to live their lives to the fullest, they find they must seek treatment. The choice of treatment often includes anti-anxiety medications, exposure therapy, which slowly builds up from mildly frightening situations to more frightening ones, or learning techniques to reduce anxiety.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Your responses indicate that you suffer from some of the issues related to Body Dysmorphic Disorder, but do not yet feel that these symptoms are interfering with your life or causing you concern. You are troubled with one or a few particular areas of your appearance, either being preoccupied with an imagined physical imperfection, or being unduly concerned about a small physical imperfection. The DSM-IV criteria for this disorder are as follows: Concern with one or a few particular areas of your appearance, either being preoccupied with an imagined physical imperfection, or being unduly concerned about an insignificant physical imperfection. This concern causes the person distress or impedes in occupational, social, or other important ways of functioning. This disorder can be very disruptive to your life, and it can take up a great deal of energy, as you may find you can think of little else than the perceived imperfection. Seeking treatment can help you overcome these problems and get on with your life. The most likely treatment is Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) combined with anti-depressants. CBT will help you identify the unhealthy thoughts and teach you how to fight against them, as well as help you face situations where your obsessions are triggered and prevent unhealthy behaviors.

The blonde streak

Everybody has their favourite actors/actresses/characters from when they watch movies or drama series or whatever artist is it. I have a few myself and what i usually do when i get a new favourite is that i'll just binge on them. Anything and everything i can find i will watch or read. Wikipedia is a great place to start when you wanna get to know the basic details of the person. I mean...everything is there ao you just do yourself a favour and invest about 15 minutes reading about the person who fascinated you in the big screens.

Now i dont know about you guys but there is a trend in my list of favourites. It's not obvious if i say them one by one but if they're put in a list, it's pretty obvious:

1. Jennifer Lawrence
2. Melanie Laurent
3. Taylor Swift
4. Allison McAtee
5. Scarlett Johansson
6. Anna Camp
7. Meryl Streep

What do these 7 lovely ladies have in common? Your guess is as good as mine hahahhaa

Apparently, i have a thing for blondes. I dont know how or when it started but i'm not complaining. Watching these lovely ladies do they do best is simply delightful and i'm so happy to be in the same time as they are.

I have a separate lost though for these two ladies: Angelina Jolie & Natasha Negovanlis. My dear dongsaeng pointed out that these two are not blondes yet i am just as obssessed over them as i am over the others. The answer is simple: prominent jawlines.

Have you seen their jaws? They are so swoon-able! So prominent and strong. Makes a statement ya know? Lols

So yea haha i have a thing for blondes and prominent jawlines. This is just an update on the previous post i did abiut this topic lols