For a person who is already accustomed to being in a room alone, or
in another word, being in a single room, I find it to be a bit puzzling as to
how some find it almost impossible to adjust to the solitude of being in a
room, facing four walls and a window. To be very honest once you get the gist
of it, it’s really fairly simple.
Being in a room alone can drive a person mad if one has been in
there long enough without any companion. I’ve been in a single room for as long
as I can remember and now I find having a roommate one of the biggest hassles
in the world. Unlike those more social people, I absolutely love being alone in
a private space; be it being home alone or just being in my dorm room. There is
that feeling of freedom in being in an empty private space.
I thrive on that little bit of freedom. To me, that is as close to
being free as I am going to get. Once I step out the door, the world would be
there to judge and control my every move. Figures of authorities would be there
to dictate my life together with my peers. There is no way I can be 100% myself
when I am out there. No, there is no way. Tell me, can you be 100% yourself
even when you are with your closest friends and family members? If you say yes
then you are a liar.
To be honest it’s perfectly fine for me to be talking to myself in a
room. I mean, how else are you going to stay sane? Music and internet can only
get you that far. Four walls, they’re going to be your best friends one day
because trust me, nobody listens better than those four walls. I rant to them a
lot, almost every day as a matter of fact. Call me crazy or whatever but it
helps relieve that bit of tension and stress that had built up during the day.
A part of my life that contributed largely to the reason why I love
being alone in private spaces is that from quite a young age I have dreamed of
leaving the house and going off somewhere on my own. Perhaps it was my watching
of too much American cartoons and TV shows. They always depict going off to
college as this time in a person’s life when they leave their family for quite a
duration of time and pack almost their whole room with them in their car,
coming home only for the holidays. I’ve always loved the thought of that.
In this house I feel constricted. With unsupportive parents and a
judgemental sibling I could not find any peace of mind neither could I feel
free. My parents never really supported my interest. I cannot even watch a TV
series without having my mother telling me to stop it. I’ve had that being said
to me countless of times, my earliest memory of being told that was around the
age of 12. I could not wait to get out of the house and be free.
That tiny bit of freedom is definitely one of the perks of being in
a single room. Who cares if it’s just you and four walls? Once you get used to
it, it’s actually one of the best feeling in the world. You can do anything you
want in your bedroom and nobody will tell you “no, you can’t do that.” or “why
the heck are you doing that?” It’s just you and four walls, who are not going
to criticise you or anything. In that room you are free. In that room I am
free. Free to do whatever I please with no restrictions. Free to eat, play and
sleep for however long that I want.
I have had people telling me that they don’t understand how I survive
four years in my dorm room alone. But for me, it’s more like how did they
survive those years with another person in their room. They don’t understand me
as how I don’t understand them. In the serenity of a single room, one is able
to think better compared to when being in a room with another person. I personally
cannot stand being in a space with another person and not talk at all. Perhaps it’s
just me and I haven’t found that person where I can have a comfortable silence
with. I find silence absolutely suffocating. I get uneasy and start to fidget
and my voice goes up a notch. I think this is why I fit being in a single room
best.
It also doesn’t help that I’m quite the loner and also I’m pretty
quiet. I like being alone, as crazy as it sounds. But even I have my limits, I do
go on an emo streak once in a while. But other than that I’m perfectly fine
being alone. I’m pretty good at killing time. I’d get an A+ if it were a
subject. I think that’s how I can live the way I do. Being alone does suck at
times but most of the time, it’s actually pretty nice. You get to do things at
your own pace instead of being dictated by others. Well, that’s one of the
examples that I can think of at the moment. Pardon me, it’s 2am at the moment
my mind isn’t working at its capacity.
Do you think I’m quiet? I think I am. My mom thinks so too, at least
I’m much quieter compared to my sister. I don’t know when it started but I just
got really quiet at one point in school back then. I guess that’s why I sort of
fit in a single room? I don’t like silence between two people and I’m quiet, so
the best thing to do is to put me in a single room. Plus I say the darnest
things at times and you’d be surprised at how much people don’t understand what
I’m talking about half the time. I’m like my best friend to be honest, in my
little space I can say anything and I will crack myself up.
Another perk of
being in a single room I guess? Being able to act stupid and be comfortable with it.
