Monday, December 1, 2014

A Place Only You & I Know

#ALetterToMy16YearOldSelf

Dear 16 year-old me,

Well, if you’re wondering why on earth this is being addressed to you, you can thank dear for it. In case you’re wondering who “Dear” is, you’ll find out soon enough. Figure it out yourself; I’m not giving you hints because it’s bloody obvious. While I know you’re super dense and naïve, I still won’t tell you.

Anyway, I’m here to tell you how the next 6 years of your life is going to be like. It’s not as grim as you thought it might be, but then again it’s not exactly super bright. Yes, everybody says you have the potential but let’s face it kid; it’s like a standard script everybody says to teens while they’re growing up.

I’m here to let you know that your 16th year will be one of the toughest you’ll ever have to get through before you hit 20. Not just because some teachers are going to asses or painfully boring but also due to other factors. Always watch your back, because nobody is going to do that for you. The ones who you should’ve trusted enough you shied away while the ones you shouldn’t you clung to. Such genius, much heartache. You’ll feel alone. You’ll feel depressed at times but you’ll be fine. You forgive too easily and forget too quickly. I’m not sure if I should call you lucky or not. With a big enough sigh you can let everything go just like that. Truly amazing. /slow clap/

You start to build walls and distant yourself and stuff because you know that’s the only way to survive high school. But surviving is not living. You’ll learn that later as well through something called Tumblr.

But you’ll get over it. All that loneliness that you feel, all that “I’m a weirdo others don’t understand me neither will they understand why I love the things I do so much”, will go away because you’re going to be introduced to a group of people who will take over your life in the years to come. Nine charming young ladies will burrow their way into your heart and you will finally learn what is it like to fall in love and have a coping mechanism for whenever reality becomes too hard to handle. You’ll laugh and cry with them. Have tonnes of their pictures in your hard disc, spending money left and right (within reasonable means of course) on their stuff. You’ll fall in love with a tall, lanky blonde, a tall, hilarious blonde, a beautiful, French blonde and somebody named after the weather. And you’ll love every second of it because they’ll be your coping mechanism.

The next big thing to happen to you will be during your first year as an undergrad. You’ll meet somebody who will break you from your self-imposed isolation. That somebody is going to change your life, too. You will be smitten and heartbroken even; but yet, you have never been happier. Your face lights up when that person is around and you’ll feel absolutely bored and restless when you’re on your own again. It makes you sad to think of the future so you always cherish the moments spent together. You’ll feel like crying even sometimes. But you’ll be fine. Because that person will also be the reason you smile. And your first meeting could not have been even more clichéd. Go find out yourself. It’s no fun if I tell you everything. But I will tell you that you’ll still be fine at the end.

Undergrad won’t be easy but you’ll pull through thanks to good friends. Cherish them because they’re hard to find. Some of those from high school will only be there whenever they feel like being friendly. But not all. You’ll get what I mean if you were paying attention to whatever I’ve said at the beginning.

Anyway, what I really want to tell you is that you’ll be fine. Whenever you think that you’re doing something really stupid and will regret, think about this: if nobody came back from the future to stop you from making that decision then, how bad can it be? Amirite? Heck, you know, one day somebody is going to come up to you and say that they look up to you because you were the only one who cared about them back in school. And that’s something wonderful to know. And also, you’ll discover something called the internet and puns. Two things that’ll make you wonder how did you keep yourself occupied before discovering them.

I do, however, have some bad news. Life ain’t a piece of cake, honey. You’ll forever be plagued by peer pressure. You’ll still do whatever people say despite Kristie’s best efforts to teach you to say no. You’ll always feel inferior to the rest of your friends because of body issues. You’ll always feel that you’re not good enough. You’ll have the toughest time trusting people because you don’t know if they have any ulterior motives. You don’t trust compliments. You’ll always feel that you look so stupid in nice clothes because you think that all that you are fitted for are jeans and a baggy shirt. People are always going to say that you’re not good enough. People are always going to say that you should do this and this instead of what you really want to. You’re going to get a lot of criticisms because of the way you look, the way you carry yourself. You’re going to learn the hard way that pretty people have it easy in this world and you’re not one of them. You’re going to learn that the moment you step into society. People won’t give a shit about what you want to say or even pay attention to you because you’re never going to be pretty enough to be noticed. You’ll be invisible again, like in high school. You’ll meet people you detest in an instant and also are going to treat you like you’re a worthless piece of shit. And worse of all, you’re going to get a piece of news that will turn your world upside down in the summer of your 22nd year.

That’s a lot of shit to put up with. But you’ll be fine, you’ll always be fine. You’re going to soldier through everything and be a half-baked smartass, the one you are today. You’ll find a good friend among the acquaintances and you’ll learn that life can be beautiful.

Life is beautiful, and so are you.

I love you, and all of your weirdness.

So please, please learn to be at ease with yourself and love thyself.

Because if you won’t, who else will?


With Love,

Your half-baked smartass 22 year-old self.

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