My 2017

2017 has come and gone in a blink of an eye, I would say. It felt like it was just yesterday my company was having its annual stock count and here we are again, two weeks away from our annual stock count. Time went by so fast it scares me every now and then.

If I were to sum up 2017, it would be the year I returned to K-pop. As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, I’ve gotten into 2 new fandoms this year and that is something I almost never do. I’ve been a SONE for so long that i’ve forgotten what it was like to get into a new fandom and experience getting to know the idols, like what I had done with the members of SNSD. It’s similar to falling in love, really.

I also had my first vacation in 2 years this year! To the land of the rising sun, my childhood dream destination. Although I went with the wrong person, it was still pretty enjoyable. I mean, I got to experience what’s it like living in Japan for a week and that was really cool. I felt so at home there and I was able to put my limited Japanese to good use. I was really proud of myself when I successfully ordered a meal at McDonald’s, even got the terms right! (In Japan they don’t say “fries” they say “potato” instead and I learnt that from all the animes I’ve watched).It was truly the only place where I felt at home.

Also in 2017, I got to see one of my favourite people twice! Jessica had come to our country for a visit (thrice actually but I missed the last one because of my trip) and I got to see her! It was so surreal like she’s just so ethereal you had to pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming. She’s absolutely beautiful and such a kind, gentle soul. I hope 2018 treats her well.

I’ve also made a bunch of new fandom friends this year! It’s been a long time since I’ve made any new fandom friends since..ya know..never gotten into a new fandom after SNSD. they’re really nice people and all though we don’t talk very often, we still ask how are each other doing once in a while and that’s nice. Really nice.

So that’s probably a wrap? Haha there are still about 2 to 3 weeks left in 2017 though. May these last couple of weeks treat you well.

Oh and speaking of wraps, this is my Spotify 2017 Wrap lol seems legit. Summed up my year quite well.

Stories

It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry I didn't mean to. Life just got away from me and things are pretty mundane now. I know right? Mundane? Then you should update more! How dare you leave this place unattended for almost half a year.

Well then, let me get you up to speed with what has happened recently.

One of the biggest things, I can say, is that I've started writing again. Stories, I mean. I've started to write stories again. I recently made a new friend on twitter and she's a writer herself, having written some stories a fandom that I'm currently in. So yea, long story short, she sort of encouraged me to pick it back up and it was really nice. Like, I've never had anybody encourage me to write before. Well there was that one time where Endymion was like "you do it for yourself" when i asked who am I doing this for because the friend that i supposedly wrote stories for didn't bother to leave comments and I get dishearten to write most of the time. So yea, he told me to "write for myself" and while that comment worked for a while, it doesn't keep a pessimistic person like me going for a long time.

The middle of last year I put up one of my old drafts on a popular fic site and it was quite well received. My audience base is very small, being a no-name writer and all, but there were some feedback and I was quite happy with it. It gave me a confidence boost. But it still doesn't mean anything because that piece of work was written years ago. I haven't written anything substantial in the recent years.

A few days ago I brought out another old draft but rewrote almost 60% of it. I wasn't very confident in it but my new friend said that it was good and it fucked her up (it was a tragedy) for quite a few hours. I got a bit of my confidence back because it was something that I had just written, even though the idea was from an old draft but I basically renovated the entire thing to fit the current fandom I've written it for.

So yea, feedback is really important. I didn't even get a single comment from when I was posting my stories here. It was really discouraging.

The Fish Tank

What am I doing with my life?

A question I find myself asking rather frequently these days. I'm at another standstill, hit another wall, stuck in another fish tank, one can say. Everyday is the same, mundane routine which I've grown accustomed to and yet, I make no effort to change it in the slightest way possible. Am I content with this routine? No, I would think not. While everything in my life seems to be under control, sometimes I wish it wasn't.

I've been playing it safe since I could remember. Choosing the safe route in everything that I've encountered so far. Safe is good, safe means that I will never have to be outside my comfort zone. When you're a small town girl trying to make it in a decent-sized city, your comfort zone is all you have. And yet, there will be times where I wish I hadn't. Safe also meant the same boring choices that even my friends could predict before I even make up my mind. I should be thankful that I have such observant friends who knows my quirks but I'm also disheartened that I've become such an easy person to read.

While my friends are all out there exploring the world I find myself being stuck in my own bubble. Jealousy rears its ugly head every now and then but it goes as quickly as it comes. I'm not one for such petty feelings because I have better things to do. An example of such would be surfing the web, catching up with my online friends and favourite people who don't know I exist. As pathetic as it sounds, it's comforting.

In a typical day, I wake up for work, have a quick breakfast while either surfing the Net (a leftover habit from my Uni days which I have yet to break) and then drive out to work. After some dilly-dallying the work day starts and I keep myself busy until lunch. Lunch is always a simple affair, we either order in, cook noodles or have white porridge with salted eggs. A boring combination even for a boring person such as myself but my colleagues are thrifty so I just go along with them. Lunches like these help me save money, too, so I don't complain. 

Work ends a few hours after lunch and while I was quite afraid to go home on time at first, I do it in a heartbeat these days because work has become mundane and there was no point in sticking around, unless it's for gossiping but it rarely happens with me. My colleagues will talk among themselves once our superiors have all gone home, I would be at my seat debating whether or not it is a suitable time to go home.

When I'm home, I get ready to cook dinner. Dinner is also a simple affair of either fried noodles or fried rice or sometimes even pasta. Dinners by myself allow me to recharge after an entire day of dealing with people. Such an introverted habit coming from a person who seems like an extrovert. Contrary to popular belief, I'm only extroverted when I absolutely have to. Most times, I'm perfectly happy being left alone to my own devices. 

Work has been uninspiring as of late and my useless boss is slowly getting on my nerves by frequently asking me to do things using the reason "I want you to learn." I, for one, would like to know what can I possibly learn from analysing the bloody expenses account every single month just because our big (also useless imho) boss doesn't know why our company's general expenses is increasing. Infuriating, is it not? To know that people who have been working in that company for more than 10 years are not in-tuned with what is going on in their expenses account. Some finance manager and director they are. From what I've seen, they only know how to get their subordinates to do their work for them while they bark instructions. I'm definitely not sticking around this company for long. Another couple of years and I'll want out, even if I already want to now.

A boring lifestyle befitting a boring person, I would say. Perhaps I've been gaming too much lately that I've been treating my life as an open-world game. Everyday I would leave my home on a "daily mission" in which my reward would be Experience Points (XP), cash, food and sleep, all in which I can enjoy when I come home at the end of the day. It generally helps in passing time, treating everything as though they were game missions and side quests to fulfill in order to complete the entire game we call Life. I've also tried going to work happily instead of "just going to work". It was in an interview with one of my current obsessions that she mentioned her changing her perspective of "going to work" and has started to enjoy working better. As her fan I would agree because she seems brighter now compared to last year or so. That method doesn't always work for me but I do try it.

When life seems to be at a standstill, keep moving even if it's the same steps you take every day. Circle your fish tank over and over, it beats standing still anyway.

Coming Home to Radishes and Red Velvet

I’ve been a kpop fan for about 8 years now and one can say that nothing makes me more at home than when I’m watching something kpop related, especially if it has anything to do with my favourite groups. Over the years, I’ve been fairly consistent with the groups I like. Anybody who knows me well can automatically tell that my favourite group ever is Girls’ Generation and my favourite members are Taeyeon and Jessica. My late high school and university life was spent fangirling about Girls’ Generation and other groups that I’ve come to like - f(x), SHINee, TVXQ and a little bit of EXO towards the end of my uni life.

You can say that that was how I would spend my days. I’d listen to their songs, watch their music videos, variety shows and even their dramas if they acted in any. Fanfics was one of the things that I’ve come to love because some of them are just so good and it’s amazing how these independent authors are just putting out these mindblowing stories for free. However, fangirling life tonned down by a lot after I started work. It was always work, work, work and if I had free time, I’d prefer to just sit quietly in my room and browse tumblr because that would be less energy taxing compared to having to sit through an entire episode of something. I just simply didn’t have the drive anymore.

Things got even worse after 930 (the SONE fandom equivalent of 911, the day peace and harmony shattered in our fandom and all hell broke loose). Kpop was just something I didn’t consciously kept up with anymore, instead I found myself rewatching old videos because they hurt less. Little by little, I lost touch with the fandom in which I called my home since I was in form 5. It was sad but unavoidable. I call myself a part-time/half retired fan now because I simply don’t have the heart and energy to keep up with them 100% anymore. This applied to all the groups I was in to that time. I slowly let them slip and only kept up with some of the new music they released.

In between I started watching western dramas that everybody seemed to be getting into. I watched all sorts of series like Orange is the New Black, Faking It, Supergirl, Agent Carter, Nikita, Friends, Ally McBeal, Riverdale etc etc. Some I finished, some I didn’t. I also went back to my roots and watched anime, my ultimate home.

Now, approximately 2 years later, I’m back! It started earlier this year when a few of my friends wanted me to check out this girl group called Mamamoo because they were just crazy talented and  hyper af. I checked them out and man I fell for them. It took a while but I fell for them completely. Their songs were catchy, the members are hella amazing and their group chemistry is just unmatched. I found myself sitting in front of the tv each night during dinners watching their videos, catching up on their variety shows appearance in the last three years and also catching up on their music. It was such a familiar feeling that I never thought I’d experience again.

A few weeks ago it happened again. I befriended this girl on tumblr and she was in to Red Velvet and I should give them a go. Didn’t really put much thought into it until one day I saw somebody link a gif of Red Velvet’s leader getting the shock of her life when one of her members crept up behind her and patted her butt. I linked it to my friend and she lost it. According to her, it was funny because the leader does that to her members all the time. The leader even has a favourite butt.

That phrase hit very close to home because my darling favourite, Taeyeon, too has a habit of patting her members’ bottom and she also has a favourite butt among her members. The very first thing I googled was to see some of the compilation clips of Red Velvet’s leader and butt patting. It all spiraled down from there. These past couple of weeks was basically also trying to catch up on 3 years worth of Red Velvet and I’m loving them so much right now. They remind me so much of Girls’ Generation it was almost like they were the mini version of the girl group that helped me through so many phases of my life.

Every day I look forward to watching or rewatching something of theirs. The thought of being able to go home and sit in front of the tv and watch them is so comforting and exciting! It’s almost like coming home again after a long, hard time. My friend says I found my safe space and yeah it really does feel like it. “blinded by love” she calls it when I said one of the members do resemble a bear.

So yea, this is just an update on what I’m up to lately. I’m on twitter more than I am here because to actually sit down and type up a substantial post is quite taxing especially when words just don’t seem to want to flow freely as you type.

Till the next post!

Remembering the Little Things

My new friend told me that when I named 3 of the 4 kpop groups she was currently going head over heels over. In all honesty, it wasn’t that difficult. We follow each other on tumblr and I can see everything that she reblogs, read her spazz in the tags and everything. It’s not difficult to remember.

In any sort of relationship, I think that it’s important to show the other parties that you care about what they’re telling you. This is how the relationship is built. When somebody is telling you something - be it about their mundane daily routine or their hobbies - they’re telling you information about themselves and quite frankly, they expect them to be remembered on the least bit. I feel that it’s important to remember because it shows that you’re putting in an effort in the relationship and it’s not entirely one sided.

I’ve had a friend who has asked me over and over on separate occasion how old I was. She then shrugs it off with “oh..you know..I have bad memory”. It was ok the first two times but after that it gets a bit annoying. I’m not sure if she was doing it on purpose because “it’s her thing to be bad at remembering” or she simply doesn’t remembers. Wouldn’t you feel bad if somebody just wouldn’t remember something simple that you’ve told them for about four to five times, maybe. It feels really bad because you’ll feel like nobody is paying attention to what you’re saying and that what you’re saying doesn’t matter to them. And that feeling sucks.

The act of remembering little details goes a long way. It makes the other party feels appreciated and it helps with your relationship. It doesn’t hurt to try and remember. It just takes that little bit of effort.

Life at the moment

Sometimes my name sounds foreign to me. Like who is that person? Who is this girl called Zhi? Why does it sound so familiar? It does take some time before I realize “oh hey! That’s my name!” I don’t know why that happens but it does. Once in a while, I get stumped for a little while thinking who are they referring to.

It’s weird, I know but hey! I’m weird to begin with so it’s nothing new.

This blog has been pretty dead hasn’t it? Since I resigned about 3 months ago, I’ve rarely posted anything anymore. That’s because I’m not as bored as I used to be. While I still live alone, in a sense, I’m not as bored.

For starters I bought my very first game console! Much yes! After so many years of playing it on my cousin brothers’ PS1, I finally have my very own playstation console and it is so beautiful. It cost a bomb but so worth it. I finally get around playing my favourite games from watching youtubers play them – Until Dawn, Tomb Raider and Rise of the Tomb Raider! Needless to say, Lara Croft is my new obsession. She is a precious bb who deserves the world and needs a break. Also I’m un-officially renaming Sam from Until Dawn to Sam Sam because everything sounds cuter when you say it twice. 

I also have internet! Oh my goodness it feels so good to have wifi at home you have no idea. I’ve been wifiless (Microsoft Word’s dictionary corrected it to wifeless but that’s also true lolololol) since I moved out from my internship dorm and that was like in early 2014 and it’s now early 2017. It’s been 3 years my goodness. How did I survive 3 years without internet at home?! Well, when you work in a very laid back office like where I was, it’s not so bad because my then-boss didn’t really mind us abusing his internet. As long as we get our work done on time, he doesn’t care what we do. That’s his concept.

Also I have more free time now! I’m even writing again, or attempting to write again. Guys I have no idea how did I write all those fics last time but I’m working on it. I’ve posted a couple but they were like my old stories but edited to fit the fandom like changing the names and some details etc.

I’ve also taken up jogging. I know, I know. I use to be so anti-jogging but now things have changed. If this were a novel, it would be described as character growth. I used to be like ugh I hate jogging, it’s lame and boring

                                

But now, it’s kinda fun especially when you are able to just keep going and not getting punctured so soon. Not to brag but I can like go up to 3km without stopping at a pace of 9’39”/km (I don’t actually know how fast is that but it’s really slow imho lol). So yea, jogging is pretty fun now that I have the stamina for it. Not sure what possessed me but I’ve also registered for a 10km marathon sometime in May with Anna. She sort of convinced me and this is a good chance to tick and item off my bucket list.

That’s it for now. Till next time!