I know I really don’t have to but I feel that I am obliged
to do at least a short explanation as to why I disappeared for almost two weeks
after the new years and came back with a rather ambiguous post and then another
one of a depressing song, I Dreamed a Dream.
Depressing, the word that has flowed out from my mouth more
often in these few weeks compared to my whole life, is the most perfect word to
describe my current situation. Why you may ask? Well, it is rather simple. Results
were released around the 10th of this month and I did very, very
badly. The worst set of grades I have gotten in my entire academic life (I’m
serious).
And what have those grades done to my grade point average? With
2C+s and an F, I fell below the minimal requirement of 2.0000 and am unable to
repeat the failed subject this semester like I originally intended to. So that
has caused me to have accumulated an extra subject to be brought forward to the
following semester, which would be my last before I go for internship and then
graduate directly after.
Because of that subject, I would have to take a total of
seven subjects next semester if I want to graduate on time/as planned but one
of my lecturers that I’m quite close with advised me to not do that because it
would be very, very heavy. So, after much consideration I have decided to stick
to her advice.
Meaning to say I will not be graduating along with my other
friends and this is just depressing. Like seriously, so depressing. Because think
about this in practical terms, when they’re having their convocation, I will be
interning and when it’s my convocation, they would probably be busy working and
won’t be able to make it.
So yes, the thought of not being able to graduate on time
and the thought of not being able to be at my friends’ graduation and also the
thought of me having to graduate alone without them sort of put me into an emo
period or a mini depression (yes I know depression sounds so serious but I’m
not kidding).
On the day the results were released, I didn’t really feel
it but the next day after letting it sink it fully, I fell into the emo period.
I lost that zest for life or whatever is it that you call it. I lost all
motivation, I lost that spark, that glint in my eyes when I’m up to mischief or
when I see anything I like. I just lost it. I would just sit there in front of
my computer and just stare at the screen but do nothing. I literally glued my
butt to the seat in front of my computer and just sit there and do nothing the
whole day.
It didn’t end when the semester started. In fact, it got a
whole lot worse and it went from “emo period” to “mini depression”. At the
start of every semester we would have our “add drop week” where we can add
and/or drop any subjects from our time table. I had initially planned to retake
that failed subject now but I found out on the first day of add/drop that my
credit hours got limited by the school so there is no way I can and thus the
whole “lecturer gave me advise, me listening to the advise, so not taking 7
subs in a sem” situation came along.
The moment I knew my credit hours got limited; it was like
all hope was lost. There was no way I’ll be graduating on time after years of
toiling in this hot and barren land. I was going to graduate alone because the
only person who shared the same fate as mine refuse to give up and wants to go
down fighting by taking 7 subs.
That was what had happened, at least that is the rough idea.
So now you guys know why I Dreamed a Dream is currently my life’s theme song
because I’m just like Fantine, trapped in a bottomless pit of despair and there’s
no way of me being able to climb back out.
But….having said all that…
Turns out that friend of mine thought things through and has
decided to stay back with me and extend a semester. I’m still not very happy
with the whole extending business but hey, at least it won’t be so bad with a
good friend by your side.
I dreamed a dream and in that dream I graduated on time and
with my friends.
Life has killed the dream I dreamed.
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