Recent happenings

so i learnt something that happened back home when le dear went out yum cha-ing with some of our friends. and well..while i haven't have it all figured out yet, i would like you to know that, given the right environment/people, i will answer to your questions as best i can. i don't guarantee satisfactory answers, but i will try.

Vampire Story

Allow me to introduce you to one of my recent coping mechanisms cum latest obsession.

A couple of months ago I noticed that there were a series of posts about a dark haired girl and a brunette appearing on my tumblr dashboard. There were so many of them so naturally, I got curious and decided to check it out.

Turns out it was a webseries called Carmilla, which a quick google search will tell you that it is based on an old gothic novella of the same name that was written/published 20+ years before Dracula was. Epic no?

So basically the show is about this girl called Laura, whose roommate, Betty, suddenly goes missing and is replaced by a new roommate called Carmilla. And then weird stuff happens. (wow, such an interesting introduction ide…)

Anyway, allow me to introduce the main characters!

1.       Laura Hollis a.k.a Tiny Gay

Played by the cheek-pinching cute Elise Bauman, Laura is the main character of the series. A naïve, provincial girl with an overprotective single dad who is headstrong and dead set on finding her missing roommate and put an end to all the weirdness that is going on at their Uni, Silas U. Basically lives off a diet of soda and cookies and has/had a crush on her English Lit TA.

2.       Carmilla Karnstein a.k.a. Broody Gay

Wears-leather-like-a-boss Natasha Negovanlis (the fact that I can say and type out her last name with ease just shows how obsessed I am with this show) is our Carmilla. Carmilla is the titular character and is also Silas U’s resident 334 year-old vampire. She keeps her blood in a soy milk carton in their room and is a slob compared to the uptight Laura. She has the tendency to steal Laura’s yellow pillow and also her cookies/snacks. Can be very protective of her tiny gay.

3.       Danny Lawrence a.k.a. Very Tall Gay

When we say she is very tall, we really mean that she is very tall. Standing at a towering height of 6 foot 2 is Sharon Belle, 1/3 of the ginger squad in the cast. She plays Laura’s Lit TA and is also a kickbutt member of the Uni’s Summer Society. In the words of Sharon quoting their producer:

“Danny is kinda cool, but she’s gonna be a little bit of a dick”

Which is still cool with us haha! Is very protective of the tiny gay.

4.       S. LaFontaine  a.k.a. Very Gay LaF

A non-binary character who prefers to be referred to using gender neutral pronouns like “them” and “they”, LaF is played by our captain of the ship and the second third of the ginger suad, Kaitlyn Alexander. LaF is a bio major who is (I think) roommates with their best friend since they were 5, Perry. LaF likes to experiment on stuff and is all for the weird. I think LaF was the first to point out that Carmilla is a vampire.

5.       Lola Perry  a.k.a. Only Gay for LaF

The mother hen of the gang and last third of the ginger squad is Perry who is a bit uptight. She likes things to be normal and doesn’t like it when LaF rushes into the weird. She likes to clean and almost always wears turtle necks. She bakes too! Danny actually at one point in the show calls her “easy bake”. She is played by the beautiful and talented Annie Briggs

source

This show..I don’t really know what to say about this show except that it is awesome? The word awesome probably doesn’t do it any justice at all.

And don’t even get me started on the ships in this show! There are a few ships but my main ship (OTP) is Hollstein! Which, *spoiler alert* as of the season 1 finale has become canon! I am one happy Creampuff!

This is the suckiest introduction you’ll ever find for any show (maybe this buzzfeed article can help) but really, if you have the chance, watch it. Here’s the trailer and episode 1!

Trailer:

Episode 1

The show has 36 episodes which is a total of about 2.5hours or so. It was just announced today that it has been renewed for a season 2!! Coming soon spring 2015! I can’t wait! Legit eggcited! kasdjfkjashfklhasdlfjkakljf

all pictures and gifs and videos are credited to their rightful owners. i do not own anything

A Place Only You & I Know

#ALetterToMy16YearOldSelf

Dear 16 year-old me,

Well, if you’re wondering why on earth this is being addressed to you, you can thank dear for it. In case you’re wondering who “Dear” is, you’ll find out soon enough. Figure it out yourself; I’m not giving you hints because it’s bloody obvious. While I know you’re super dense and naïve, I still won’t tell you.

Anyway, I’m here to tell you how the next 6 years of your life is going to be like. It’s not as grim as you thought it might be, but then again it’s not exactly super bright. Yes, everybody says you have the potential but let’s face it kid; it’s like a standard script everybody says to teens while they’re growing up.

I’m here to let you know that your 16^th year will be one of the toughest you’ll ever have to get through before you hit 20. Not just because some teachers are going to asses or painfully boring but also due to other factors. Always watch your back, because nobody is going to do that for you. The ones who you should’ve trusted enough you shied away while the ones you shouldn’t you clung to. Such genius, much heartache. You’ll feel alone. You’ll feel depressed at times but you’ll be fine. You forgive too easily and forget too quickly. I’m not sure if I should call you lucky or not. With a big enough sigh you can let everything go just like that. Truly amazing. /slow clap/

You start to build walls and distant yourself and stuff because you know that’s the only way to survive high school. But surviving is not living. You’ll learn that later as well through something called Tumblr.

But you’ll get over it. All that loneliness that you feel, all that “I’m a weirdo others don’t understand me neither will they understand why I love the things I do so much”, will go away because you’re going to be introduced to a group of people who will take over your life in the years to come. Nine charming young ladies will burrow their way into your heart and you will finally learn what is it like to fall in love and have a coping mechanism for whenever reality becomes too hard to handle. You’ll laugh and cry with them. Have tonnes of their pictures in your hard disc, spending money left and right (within reasonable means of course) on their stuff. You’ll fall in love with a tall, lanky blonde, a tall, hilarious blonde, a beautiful, French blonde and somebody named after the weather. And you’ll love every second of it because they’ll be your coping mechanism.

The next big thing to happen to you will be during your first year as an undergrad. You’ll meet somebody who will break you from your self-imposed isolation. That somebody is going to change your life, too. You will be smitten and heartbroken even; but yet, you have never been happier. Your face lights up when that person is around and you’ll feel absolutely bored and restless when you’re on your own again. It makes you sad to think of the future so you always cherish the moments spent together. You’ll feel like crying even sometimes. But you’ll be fine. Because that person will also be the reason you smile. And your first meeting could not have been even more clichéd. Go find out yourself. It’s no fun if I tell you everything. But I will tell you that you’ll still be fine at the end.

Undergrad won’t be easy but you’ll pull through thanks to good friends. Cherish them because they’re hard to find. Some of those from high school will only be there whenever they feel like being friendly. But not all. You’ll get what I mean if you were paying attention to whatever I’ve said at the beginning.

Anyway, what I really want to tell you is that you’ll be fine. Whenever you think that you’re doing something really stupid and will regret, think about this: if nobody came back from the future to stop you from making that decision then, how bad can it be? Amirite? Heck, you know, one day somebody is going to come up to you and say that they look up to you because you were the only one who cared about them back in school. And that’s something wonderful to know. And also, you’ll discover something called the internet and puns. Two things that’ll make you wonder how did you keep yourself occupied before discovering them.

I do, however, have some bad news. Life ain’t a piece of cake, honey. You’ll forever be plagued by peer pressure. You’ll still do whatever people say despite Kristie’s best efforts to teach you to say no. You’ll always feel inferior to the rest of your friends because of body issues. You’ll always feel that you’re not good enough. You’ll have the toughest time trusting people because you don’t know if they have any ulterior motives. You don’t trust compliments. You’ll always feel that you look so stupid in nice clothes because you think that all that you are fitted for are jeans and a baggy shirt. People are always going to say that you’re not good enough. People are always going to say that you should do this and this instead of what you really want to. You’re going to get a lot of criticisms because of the way you look, the way you carry yourself. You’re going to learn the hard way that pretty people have it easy in this world and you’re not one of them. You’re going to learn that the moment you step into society. People won’t give a shit about what you want to say or even pay attention to you because you’re never going to be pretty enough to be noticed. You’ll be invisible again, like in high school. You’ll meet people you detest in an instant and also are going to treat you like you’re a worthless piece of shit. And worse of all, you’re going to get a piece of news that will turn your world upside down in the summer of your 22^nd year.

That’s a lot of shit to put up with. But you’ll be fine, you’ll always be fine. You’re going to soldier through everything and be a half-baked smartass, the one you are today. You’ll find a good friend among the acquaintances and you’ll learn that life can be beautiful.

Life is beautiful, and so are you.

I love you, and all of your weirdness.

So please, please learn to be at ease with yourself and love thyself.

Because if you won’t, who else will?

With Love,

Your half-baked smartass 22 year-old self.

Tumblr

This is why i love tumblr. It shows me that i'm not the only one in the world that has experienced this

i'm fine

other than directing your attention to the song, i would also like to direct your attention to her blog post here

i like this particular line from the post:

"As someone who grew up quite lonely at times, I personally looked to books, or movies, or music to be my "friend" through those times."

that's deep stuff man

so yea i like this song, even though it raided my feels on unsuspecting night. but i like it. it's so calming. and i can't wait to watch the movie it's featured in!!

wait wud

I am an introvert. I think that’s a fact that everybody knows by now (I hope)

Oh, there she goes again, making herself sound soooo important

Zip it. This is my blog I do as I please.

Whatever..

So as I was saying, I am an introvert and if you didn’t know that up until now, well..now you do. Never too late to learn something new don’t worry.

I found this on tumblr and it speaks to me

And then there’s:

And then the last one:

i'm bored

This is one of the examples of the pages in the notebook that I’ve been using for the past year. It’s amazing really, given that I almost never touch the same notebook again after using the first two pages, na mean? Ja feel?

A product of boredom I suppose, when clients or my bosses are rambling away, I have to do something to make them think I’m taking notes, right? Hahaha right!

good activities

I’ve realised that it is not what you do when you work that is going to affect how the rest of your day is going to be like, it’s what you’re gonna do after work that’s what’s important. It’s like, you can have a completely shitty day, complaining left and right about all the responsibilities that you have and wish you can run away from but if you have a pretty good after work plan, it’s all a different story. When the clock strikes 6 (for my case), I automatically feel better.

Because at 6, I’m free. I can tumblr all I want and nobody can say anything about it because it’s after hours and so what if I’m still sitting in the office, I’m off the clock yo! On a typical day, my idea of a good after work activity would be:

-          Backtracking my tumblr dashboard (usually for an hour or so on a typical day)

-          Dinner and crap session with the frolleagues

-          Going back and have a nice hot shower

-          Curling on my bed with my laptop watching any dramas I’m chasing at the moment or any funny short video clips I downloaded throughout the day

-          Curling up with a good fic or a book (the book part rarely happens though haha)

If I had the energy I would probably watch a movie or something but it usually never happens because I know I won’t have the energy to finish the whole thing and I hate watching a movie half way because I know I will probably never finish the second half.

These few days I’ve ventured into another ship (google if you don’t understand) and omg I am in too deep too fast but I regret nothing! There are so many things to discover and I love the initial hunt whenever I board a new ship. It’s exhilarating and when you find something good, it’s so satisfying. I’ve been doing this for years now and every time I venture onto a new fandom, the feeling is the same and I love it so much.

My favourite day of the week now is officially Wednesdays, because two of my favourite shows air on Tuesday nights (ang moh time which translates to Wednesday mornings our time). It is so awesome to download it and then look forward to the end of the day and watch it when you hit your bed. It drives you really. And I love it.

Of course, all the above is talking about a very typical week for the first 8 months of this year. It’s a completely different story now. Not that I’m complaining about my new after work activity. I just have a new activity I have to slot in but other than that I can do everything as usual. It only depends on my energy level after the new slot, which usually happens after tumblring and before dinner. After that, all can proceed as planned so not much complains here actually. I’m quite good.

Oh and p/s: if I ever have kids, namely daughters, remind me of the name Natasha. Thanks.

credit to owner

After certain events for today, i saw this on tumblr (how expected for this to appear, really) and i really like it and not in a "i like the graphics" kind of way but sort of the "quote of the day" kind of way haha

maturity

Find a job they said, it’ll be fun they said.

Well, it is fun to have a job and have money you can spend. But other than that, I don’t really see what’s so fun about having a job. Like, let’s get real, most of us would probably choose not to work for the rest of our youth.

I would like to have a word with the person who introduced the term “being an adult” because let’s face it, I am 22 going on 23, I have a job, I’ve been living on my own since 2010, I know how to operate online banking functions and I go grocery shopping for myself on weekends. And if you think after all of that I would know what being an adult is, think again.

Like seriously, I don’t know what it means to be an adult. Does it mean going to the bank to settle stuff on your own? Or having a job? Having to pay monthly bills? I need help in defining the word adult. Does it mean being mature enough to handle catastrophes and be totally chilled about it?

I cannot with pressure. And stress. Or anything resembling those two terrors. I may seem dependable or whatever but underneath this calm exterior is really just a kid who doesn’t do well with responsibilities. Like seriously. I run. I always run. I run away from responsibilities faster than I inhale a regular sized pizza (Dear can testify for that last part).

I actually wanted to write more, but I suddenly ran out of things to say. So allow me to redirect you to this

conclusion is:

Desperation

Forget;

I’m in a desperate need to forget;

I need to forget everything;

All the problems;

All the responsibilities;

All the drama;

All the fears;

Just for a while;

I would like to forget them;

Rest;

I’m in a desperate need to rest;

I need to get away;

All the problems;

All the responsibilities;

All the drama;

All the fears;

Just for a while;

I would like to rest;

Vent;

I’m in a desperate need to vent;

I need to vent to somebody;

All the problems;

All the responsibilities;

All the drama;

All the fears;

Just for a while;

I would like to vent about them;

Fight;

It feels like I’m in a never ending fight;

Typical “me against the world”;

All the problems;

All the responsibilities;

All the drama;

All the fears;

Just for a while;

Please halt this fight;

Rebel;

I’m in a desperate need to rebel;

Too much is going on at once;

All the problems;

All the responsibilities;

All the drama;

All the fears;

Just for a while;

Let me be me;

Thing

Do you have a thing?

I have a lot;

I have thing thingies;

Or “things” for short;

Like;

I have a thing about listening to music with my headphones;

I like to be able to listen to everything clearly;

All the instruments;

How they weave together effortlessly;

How the vocals bring the words to life;

How the most littlest part can be so powerful;

How you might miss it if you listen to it just like that;

I also have a thing about trying new things;

It terrifies me;

It’s outside my comfort zone;

It doesn’t make me feel at ease;

So I don’t like trying new things;

I would;

If you’re persuasive enough;

Or if I trust you enough to know that –

That it’s gonna be alright afterwards;

I have a thing about authority;

I don’t handle an authority figure well;

I rebel too much;

Must’ve been too obedient when I was younger to –

To turn out like this;

Always yes;

Not enough no;

So now I’m saying no most of the time;

Even if I didn’t;

I’d wish I did;

So that I don’t have to do whatever;

I have a thing about looking out the window;

Especially when it rains;

To see the chaos it’s causing;

To see the rain drops roll down the glass;

Quite calming actually;

The steady rhythm of the rain beating against the surface;

And the cold that comes with it;

I have many things;

What about you?

So much for TGIF

Today (yesterday, Friday, since i wrote this yesterday and posted it today) our office was greeted by grave news, grave news indeed. Our beloved manager has resigned, not the kns. It was shocking because none of us expected or even guessed that it was him. Ever since our boss posted the job ads on jobstreet, we have been guessing that either the kns or one of our seniors have resigned. Nobody guessed Manager-nim at all.

Manager-nim is our rock. He is the one that all of us approach when we have any problems. When the kns couldn’t help us, we turned to him. When we’re not sure what to do, we turn to him. Anything under the sun that we don’t know, we turn to him. Whatever we have to complain about, he will sit and listen and give us advice and all! We are nothing without him. In fact, the senpais are always telling us stories from years gone by of how great manager-nim was when he was still a regular staff. That’s how awesome he is.

We had a dinner with him just now and apparently Clover senpai and Leader senpai cried. Cried like legit cried, not just the little tearing up type. But I’m not too sure, I left early so I don’t really know the details. The senpais are very much attached to him. They’ve been together in this company for years now. Almost 3 I think. They’re not just losing a good manager, they’re losing a good friend too.

Am I sad? Of course I am. Just like the senpais I relied on him a lot too. I’ve gone out on fieldwork with him a couple of times and there was once where he really had my back when the client was lecturing/scolding me about a mistake I did, threatening to sue and the whole shebang. I was bloody terrified cause I was still a trainee back then, I thought my evaluation was going to be done for but no, manager-nim dealt with the client with me, he had my back. My evaluation was unaffected by that. And the both of us lived to tell the tale.

What angered me – or well, us – is that manager-nim told us that our boss did nothing to retain him. Even with one of our previous seniors that left us, he said that the boss told him

“you can easily be replaced”

That’s not what you say to somebody who has worked so hard for you, regardless the amount of time he was employed. The fact that boss didn’t make an effort to retain him really says a lot about how he viewed his employees. I’m sure that he doesn’t realize that all of us are still in that company not because we like him, but because we like each other. We get along well, we play well together and we work well with each other. And I’m also pretty sure that he doesn’t know that without manager-nim, our company is pretty much doomed.

Manager-nim, together with Clover senpai and two others, were the initial members when our company was founded not too long ago. Yup, we’re a really small company back then. Actually, we’re still a small company now but the staff headcount has increased to about 15 or so. Anyway that’s not the point. The point is that manager-nim has been in the company a long time and he knows a lot of things regarding the clients, the cases and even what’s good to eat in the surrounding area nearby the clients’ place. He knows everything.

Who is going to guide us now? Definitely not the kns and I don’t see the senpais trusting whoever is going to replace manager-nim enough to approach him/her with their problems. The kns, though there are some improvement attitude wise, but knowledge wise, she’s probably just as big of a blur case as I am. The only difference is that she has power of authority while I don’t. Simple as that. She won’t guide us, she doesn’t even have the patience to talk to us nicely without raising her voice or losing her temper. How are we going to survive with this sort of a basket case without manager-nim around? But our boss loves her. He thinks she’s one hell of a great manager. But all of us thinks otherwise. But our boss will never believe us because she puts up such a great act in front of him.

Long story short, we’re doomed and our boss is too big of a lansi to realize that manager-nim is not just an employee of his, but is a valuable member of the company, one that should not be let go. Anybody can see that only a fool will let manager-nim go.

right so this is happening

So yesterday a picture graced my timeline on a social networking site and I was surprised borderline shocked to see the details of the said picture.

Apparently two friends of ours went off on a vacation and didn’t tell anybody about it.

Anyway, that’s not the point here. The point here is that they went off without telling us. And none of them speak a lick of Thai. Must be having fun communicating with the locals.

So now that we have identified the point, the next question should be whether or not those who were left out of the loop are feeling butthurt.

Well, I can’t say that I don’t feel butthurt at all, but I can’t say I am butthurting greatly. It is disappointing that they went off without telling us. But then again, who are we that they have to tell us where they’re going. Right?

Right. I know it’s totally none of our business but still, as a courtesy, it doesn’t hurt to just let us know, na mean? This isn’t the first time though. There was once I remembered they were planning to go to Australia, the few of them and they didn’t tell at all until somehow I heard it from somebody and they were like yea, we’re planning a trip there. And that was that. No invitations or whatever. They must’ve thought that I wouldn’t join anyway so why waste the effort. I felt a bit bad after that. Even my mom was like “why they no invite you” or something along those lines. I had to lie and say something like “oh they know I’m having exams that time so they didn’t”.

Well I’m done making excuses for people who obviously don’t deserve my covering up for them. 

I’ve known for years that they’re not worth my time but I gave them the benefit of the doubt every time something like this happens. But I know, deep down, they are not bad people. They just have a problem with prioritizing other people’s feelings which is perfectly understandable if you ask me. A lot of people are ego-tisticle, big-headed, garbage dirtballs. (If you know where I got those descriptions from, here’s an A+ for you XD)

Throughout the years I’ve made, dropped and kept friends. The cycle continues on and on to be honest. There is no stopping. I probably have a scale on which I rank you in my “friends” list. It goes something like this:

(From lowest rank to the highest)

·         Hi/Bye friends

·         Regular friends

·         Frolleagues

·         Good friends/buddies for life

·         Chingoo

·         Dear

So yea, that’s what my current rank would look like. It’s a super silly rank 

but hey, everybody has their own ranking. Just that I put it up there for all to see. Hate me if you want. I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I shake it off!

to the rest of you:

love you guys!

disclaimer: all the gif are credited to their owners on tumblr. i do no own them

Na mean?

Write? You want me to write? Well I’m quite happy to oblige to your request to write up something. Even though it might just be a little sheet of things I found but it’s still better than what I’ve been doing so far.

Honestly, you’d think that being in my line of work is a bit more fun since people are always saying

“you can see a lot of things, especially if you’re in the outsourced line.”

Well, here I am and yea, while it is interesting, it is also a bit boring because I didn’t realize that everything was so clerical. You’d be surprise at the amount of paperwork I have to do. Like legit paperwork, not just those we have to type out but really cut, paste and fold the paper neatly into the files. I feel like I’m doing crafts most of the time and let me tell you something, that part is actually the best part of the whole process, the typing part not so much because we’re just summarizing everything into tables and where’s the fun in that?

But ok, let’s put that top part aside (wrote that the previous day and decided to call it quits).

I am so sleepy right now. Blame lunch, you’d think after a year of working I would be able to find a way to prevent that “after lunch sleepy time”. I haven’t but I have found a beverage that will keep me awake for a good few hours until it’s a reasonable time to start slacking off – teh ice.

Yes, teh ice or more commonly known as “teh peng” is the one thing that can cause me to be an insomniac. I made the mistake of having two cups during dinner and ended up not sleeping until after 2am. Worse mistake ever, never want to do that again.

Teh peng is mega awesome! My whole office is practically in love with the beverage lols every time we go out for a meal, you can bet there’d be at least 2 cups of teh peng ordered. Because it tastes awesome and it keeps us awake better than coffee does. Weird but I’m not sure true or not because I don’t think coffee. I take coffee once a while when I have to drive back home at night, but that also is neslo since I cannot stand the bitterness of coffee. Either it doesn’t affect me or the kick isn’t that much since it’s Neslo.

Either way, I’m just rambling here because I’m sleepy and I need to do something other than work to keep me awake, at least for another hour or so. I’m really sleepy, dark circles, eye bags and the whole shebang! It’s so obvious that I am in desperate need for sleep. I forgot how tiring it is to be the driver when we’re going out for fieldwork, tires you out twice as fast. Even more so when you are not alone in the car. I swear..this trainee drains my energy. She’s so chatty while I’m so not and I really just wanna jam to my songs but OTL she’s there and I can’t do anything. At least with Clover senpai I’m more at ease. With that trainee, I’m just so tense and awkward.

Ok, let’s put that middle part aside (I wrote it after lunch and it’s now after dinner).

So I’m chilling in my cousin’s room, which is cool because he’s not around and I get to conquer the whole room and also go online after hours which is something I don’t get to do usually because my dorm has no internet. Cue the gasps. I’m ok with it though.

I’m still tired. The unforgiving storm caused a huge jam and I officially loathe the trainee now because I hate having to go all out of my way just to drop her off somewhere near her dorm in Sunway. Do you have any idea how bloody jam it is and how bloody tired I was? I almost got into a crash like twice because I couldn’t concentrate properly. The rain was not helping either.

Anyway I think I’m going to tumblr for a while and then hit the hay. I haven’t tumblr-ed in like what? Two days. It’s so agonizing not being able to go on tumblr. I swear tumblr-ing is like chicken soup for the soul. Na mean?

i saw this on tumblr and well, yea.

it made me think about a lot of things, a lot of people and a lot of moments. it made me think about those who came into my life and changed it for the better. be it my good friends or artists that i decided to dedicate myself to.

so yea, thank you.

The Dark Age

On the morning of the 30^th of September, 2 posts on a Chinese social networking site crumbled our world. One was written in Korean while the other was in English, both devastating lives of thousands. What am I talking about? I’m talking about how the then member of Korean’s no. 1 girl group, Girls’ Generation, Jessica Jung, posted that she has been kicked out of the group for no justifiable reason.

Our horror began, that entire morning fans were glued to social networking sites waiting for information. Work was left undone, studies were left untouched. All were waiting for the entertainment company to make an official statement. We waited, and waited and roughly sometime before lunch it was released and quickly translated.

“Girls’ Generation will continue as 8 from now on.”

Jessica had been removed from the group.

Why you may ask?

I don’t really know exactly why for sure. But it revolves around Sica, who has been trying to build a future for herself when Girls’ Generation is no more. In August, she launched her very own fashion brand, Blanc, and she apparently is preparing to go to fashion school in New York. All while juggling the busy schedule of Girls’ Generation.

So this apparently led to the company asking her to choose, to prioritized what she had on hand. Of course she couldn’t choose, both were equally important to her. One on hand we have her youth, on the other we have her dream. She wanted both, she wanted to stay. She never wanted to leave. But she was removed.

The following day, Jessica released an official statement of her own via Blanc. In her statement, she basically elaborated more on her post on Weibo. She said that she had obtained permission and consent from both the company and her members to start up Blanc but about a month later, they, her member included, told her to prioritise and pick which is more important.

Long story short, she wanted to stay, the company kicked her out. She is no longer a member of Girls’ Generation. The 30^th of September marked an end of a generation.

The effect?

I’m seeing fans cry left and right on twitter almost the whole day. Most, like me, have lost the drive to do anything. And the worst part is, people who don’t understand our pain are thinking that we were being childish for letting something so trivial affect us so greatly.

Why do I care so much, you may ask.

Girls’ Generation is not just another obsession of mine. They are my coping mechanism. They pulled me through everything. And when I say everything, I literally mean everything. From the dramas in high school to SPM to my Foundation and my degree and now my work life. They pulled me through it all. When I had nobody to cheer me up, they did with their silly antics in shows and programmes. When I needed motivation, their songs got me through. When I needed somebody to talk to, they helped me find new friends who would listen to me because we shared the same interests. When real life failed me, they kept me going through the digital world. They were my escape, my everything, when I wanted nothing to do with reality.

Through the 9 of them, I’ve learnt so many things. I learnt what was love, dedication, passion, friendship, excitement, disappointment and so much more. I learnt what was it like to be proud. When I look back at how far they have come, I feel like a very proud mother. They’re so precious to me, to us, the fans.

And now this has happened. The company is picketing us fans against ourselves. Jessica-biased fans are defending her while other fans are saying she should not be selfish and come back to the group. Others like myself are encouraging peace among the fans because when the company is hopeless, the girls only have us to back them up.

They had a fanmeeting party in China yesterday, the day the news broke out. The members tried their best but it was inevitable. Our baby Seohyun was the first to break while others were desperately trying to keep themselves together. Today, there was another fanmeet in Korea for three members Taeyeon, Tiffany and Seohyun. All broke into tears. How do you expect us to believe that these girls told Jessica to choose and turned their backs on her?

Seohyun told us to trust them one more time. And we will. Because, we can’t trust the company, we can’t trust the media, there is no PR team we can turn to, no insider we can trust. What else can we do? All we can do now is to sit, wait, and hope for the best.

Some are saying that we should be realistic that the chances of them being 9 again are slim. I do agree to an extent but I do hope that they get back together again and all will be well.

Because without you 9 girls, I got through the darkest days of my teenage life, I hope the 9 of you can get through this dark age as well.

Right now, it’s Girls’ Generation!

From now on, it’s Girls’ Generation

Forever, it’s Girls’ Generation.

There is much more to this story than what I've written.

Here

That might give you a clearer picture. What I've written is only the surface.

Of beaches and seafood

The beach, the point of fascination of so many people in this world. To be very honest, you'd think having grown up almost directly by the sea i would appreciate that vast body of salty water more but no, unfortunately. I do not. Which is why i dont understand why is it that people would actually want to go to the beach, get all sandy and sticky from the sea breeze just for fun. It makes no sense to me whatsoever to be honest.

A trip to the beach is a topic that i have noticed to always be present during discussion for a quick getaway. Recently, a few of my uni friends are planning one for this saturday (i'm not going if you're wondering..i got lots of things to do). So i told them, in a very gentle way that i'm not up for it:

"malas wanna go laaa"

And they replied

"go play also malas tsk tsk.."

Excuse me? Of course i'm feeling malas for a trip like this. If it's a trip down south to see chingoo it would be a completely different story. I live by the sea, i do not have that city kid's facination for the beach. Honestly those poor unfortunate city souls who probably have spent less than a month in their whole life time by the sea. You poor souls indeed.

And having lived nowhere near water must have deprived those poor things of fresh seafood, too. Why, you should've seen how their eyes lit up at the mention of seafood. Another one of those things that i'll never understand. Why, where i come from, seafood was practically as staple as chicken. We can have seafood any time of the day, any day of the week! It's practically an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet back in my hometown. Those poor souls have to practically make an effort to plan a trip to some kampung like Bagan Hailam in Port Klang to taste fresh seafood. And it's not as cheap as ours either.

Our seafood is cheap and awesome. Their so called seafood is expensive and so not awesome. There is a big difference. Usually if i ended up going for a meal like that, i'll sit back and eat the more normal food like chicken and eggs while letting them eat the expensive stuff. And speaking of which, they're so not willing to spend on good fish. I was like

"guys..what gives? You're at a seafood restaurant and you dont order a decent fish but insted some cheapo fish/fish fillet? Then what's the point?"

Like seriously, this is what i like to call

"too cheap for the good stuff, too expensive for the cheap stuff"

It's like..have you guys ever experienced that moment where you're like

"guys, i live by the sea, you cannot tempt me with seafood" ??

Cz i get that a lot. People like to show off their crabs and prawns and i'm like just

"dude....ㅡ.ㅡ"

Haizzz

I will never understand the fascination of the beach and seafood.

Free

Let’s forget about work, stress and being tired for a while. I think my posts these few days/weeks have been nothing but work, stress and being tired. So let us push that all aside and talk about something else, something more lighthearted. (and no, I’m not going to talk about the kns either.)

***

I don’t really know what to talk about actually, because my life at the moment is pretty mundane and I’ve pretty much lost any ounce of “zest for life” I have left after uni ended. I’m like what? 22? I should be out there being happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time and in the best way. But I have this thing called a job and it can tie a person down and prevent one from being happy, free, confused and lonely.

***

I wanna go for a soul searching trip. I think one of those trips is long overdue. Ever since watching Honey and Clover all those years ago, I’ve always dreamt of just wondering off on my own one day and go soul searching. It’ll be fun, no? just you and the world. Once you see how big the world is, you’ll find yourself. At least, that’s what I think is the case. It may or may not be that way. I really would like to do it one day. Just pack up and leave on impulse, go travelling and see the world and maybe have a fling or two. Who knows?  XD

***

I’m not that all obsessed about finding my significant other at the moment, questions about when I want to find one are bound to pop up every now and then. It’s a standard question, practically unavoidable when you’re at this age and still single. Honestly, would people just take a look around? I have friends who are a gazillion times more attractive than I am who are still single and very much available, what leaves me? Have you seen them? Friend’s uni friend’s coo over them. I’m very much satisfied with being the background. Nothing to see  here, please move on. Only a weirdo here, keep moving. Don’t stare. It’s rude.

***

after work

so, besides being bloody tired at the moment, i do feel better, just not as awake as i would like to be. honestly i think i could do with a 15-hour sleep. yes, i think it would do me good.

but on the side note: i've forgotten how is it like to look forward to "after work" in a long while. i think it's because i don't have anything pending to watch and now i do! i'm really happy about it. i've recently downloaded an anime series and it is hilarious, the perfect no-brainer type of show to watch after a long day at work (even more so if i'm in the same team as the kns). it's relaxing.

and also, recently i've been stocking up n movies again. though they're not really those no-brainer type of movies but i'm sure i can handle whatever heavy drama they have installed for movie watchers. honestly, after finishing oitnb i sort of lost that movie/series watching drive but i think it's back so i'm good haha!

my friend commented yesterday:

"You must be really tired.."

"How you know?"

"Your double eye lids are really obvious today"

haha but she said i look better today so all is well i suppose? i have a really weird dream yesterday. not that i can recall everything but i do remember the Jolie-Pitt family being in it. must be that super adorable Maleficent btw video i watched before bed last night. 

work

i am so bloody tired right now. (though i really should be working now but i need a slight break at the moment)

i've been running up and down this client's place and it is so tiring. and i'm getting increasingly frustrated at myself for not being able to bring out what i really mean to the clients. my teacher once said:

"she has the command of the language, but she doesn't know how to use it"

and i've always thought that he was absolutely correct.

anyway, i'm just so bloody tired right now and i'm guessing because i'm already one years old in this company, my senior's expectations on me are obviously higher now and so they expect me to know what they're talking about and i do. it's just that i'm having a bit of trouble conveying that to the clients, which has always been a problem ever since the beginning. /cries a river/

and that manager of mine is not making things easier for us. she keeps nagging us to submit our paperwork when the team leader already explain to her entah berape kali dah that it is not practical for this particular case because the officers are always MIA we don't have a lot of things to write in the paperwork also..ugh..that woman -.-

so yea...consider this a status report from yours truly. i'm so bloody tired right now i just wanna crawl into a hole and hide and sleep